Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Welcome to the Monkey House"

That's the title, of course, of the wonderful short story by the late Kurt Vonnegut. He took his theme from a different behavior of captive monkeys. Simian masturbation. The basic point is the same: When animals like us are left with no good choices, we'll do what we can with what we have. So caged monkeys will sometimes fling poop at people who watch.  

This blog was born in a comment on a post at the blog DMNCuts, which is dedicated to high-mindedly providing information about layoffs at the Dallas Morning News. There was this exchange between the admin and one of the anonymous commenters:

If you want to start a blog where you can toss virtual monkey poop at the AH Belo brass, it is a free country and a free Internet.
Flinging monkey poop can be so liberating! I imagine a virtual Animal House food fight approach could be good for a few yucks.
Well, why not? Here are the rules: Nothing that could get me sued. And make it entertaining. The only judge will be me. All comments will be moderated before posting.  Scatology and vulgarities are allowed but not required in the interest of yuks. Like Jon Stewart without the bleeps.  While I'm starting it as a place to vent about DMN bosses, anyone can play. Tell your friends!

Fling your finest as a comment. If people actually contribute, I'll take the best one and use it as the seed for the next post.

History is filled with inventive invective:

Mencken: "No one in this world, so far as I know, and I have searched the records, and employed agents to help me, has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people."

Yiddish: Got zol gebn, er zol hobn altsding vos zayn harts glist, nor er zol zayn geleymt oyf ale ayvers un nit kenen rirn mit der tsung. God should bestow him with everything his heart desires, but he should be a quadriplegic and not be able to use his tongue. 

Russian: U tya pizda, vedro so svistom provalivaetsja Your pussy, a bucket falls in with a whistle.

Here's a starter: My CEO is so dumb he thought the way to help people who couldn't figure out the Internet was to force them to use unreliable hardware and buggy software. Not funny? I guess you hadda been there.

The commode is open.