This blog was born in a comment on a post at the blog DMNCuts, which is dedicated to high-mindedly providing information about layoffs at the Dallas Morning News. There was this exchange between the admin and one of the anonymous commenters:
If you want to start a blog where you can toss virtual monkey poop at the AH Belo brass, it is a free country and a free Internet.And
Flinging monkey poop can be so liberating! I imagine a virtual Animal House food fight approach could be good for a few yucks.Well, why not? Here are the rules: Nothing that could get me sued. And make it entertaining. The only judge will be me. All comments will be moderated before posting. Scatology and vulgarities are allowed but not required in the interest of yuks. Like Jon Stewart without the bleeps. While I'm starting it as a place to vent about DMN bosses, anyone can play. Tell your friends!
Fling your finest as a comment. If people actually contribute, I'll take the best one and use it as the seed for the next post.
History is filled with inventive invective:
Mencken: "No one in this world, so far as I know, and I have searched the records, and employed agents to help me, has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people."
Yiddish: Got zol gebn, er zol hobn altsding vos zayn harts glist, nor er zol zayn geleymt oyf ale ayvers un nit kenen rirn mit der tsung. God should bestow him with everything his heart desires, but he should be a quadriplegic and not be able to use his tongue.
Russian: U tya pizda, vedro so svistom provalivaetsja Your pussy, a bucket falls in with a whistle.
Here's a starter: My CEO is so dumb he thought the way to help people who couldn't figure out the Internet was to force them to use unreliable hardware and buggy software. Not funny? I guess you hadda been there.
The commode is open.
A couple of years ago, before the epoch that contains the Morning News as we now know it, there was Sir Focus of Group: an ape-like creature making crude and pointless survey strategy points out of rusty sideways Nova rear transmission differentials and his own excrement.
ReplyDeleteHe would hurl the strategy points at chimp-like creatures, called managers, with crinkled hands regardless of how idiotic the pronouncements were. These so-called "strategems" were buried as witches and defecated upon and hurled at predators, known as middle management, who were awoken by the searing grunts of overworked ink-stained wretches. It wasn't a holly jolly Christmas that year; for many were laid off.
Now he has returned to haunt our dreams. Overwork has made the DMN uninhabitable. Sir Focus of Group did not take the blame for this. He did not know our plight. How could he? He was born before science existed, and as a "core" reader, he believes this is the Lord's will.
For the ink-stained wretches, work still sucked, in a big way.
So he carved himself a spot into our industry and has placed his mobile thinktank of righteousness at 508 Young Street, and he is here to stay for the next week. As he once was quoted, "Gouging expletives on another's vehicle with a key is a sign of friendship where I am from."
The war of us against Sir Focus of Group rages on throughout eternity. You probably don't remember most of this because back then it was only a prophecy.
But now, in the future, the past has already occurred.
Prophecy, thy name is sweatshop. And there are legions at DMN who worship at your feet.
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ReplyDeleteIt seems as if people are too deflated to even throw monkey poop after this last round of layoffs and the subsequent catered feasting on the fourth floor today. Que bourgeois!
ReplyDelete